God heart

God is Lord of your heart. He knows your deepest wishes, your biggest dreams, those parts of you that you never show the world because if you did it might call you crazy, or psycho, or just lame. God is a God of the small and the big. Those little dreams you have, however insignificant, are important to Him. He knows the desires of your heart. Wait for Him. Draw near to Him and He’ll draw near to You. Let Him surprise you with how big He is. Enjoy being HIS. Don’t let the world tell you that you have to read your Bible for so many minutes or pray for so many hours a day for Him to hear you and draw near. Those things are good. In fact, they’re necessary and incredible and should be practiced daily, yet…wow…we all mess up. We go for weeks, perhaps months without truly digging into the Word, without spending passionate time in prayer, instead glancing at a verse here and there and praying tiny little prayers about needs and wants, sometimes for others, but if you’d admit it, mostly about you and your struggles and pain and frustrations. That’s a frustrating place to be. Because you know you can be better. And you want to be. But your flesh gets in the way and you give in to it too much, you know this, yet you still do it because it’s comfortable. It is a war against our flesh. But we can let the frustrations and feelings of unworthiness bog us down. Keep fighting. Keep praying.

Let the King of the Universe love you for who you are, not what you do.

Because He’s calling out to you to see Him every day and to hear His voice. He loves you with endless passion. I wonder if we could see the heavenly realm, if we’d be horrified by the extent of the battle fought for us every day. Satan is sneaky. Those feelings that you’re never going to make it, you’ll never be good enough, you’re not pretty enough, you’re insignificant and no one really truly loves you…those are LIES. I am talking to myself just as much as anyone here. Seriously, it’s a battle.

One thing I have really been impressed upon doing lately is just to let myself enjoy being with God.

I don’t have to do anything. Just simply be. Rest. Soak Him in. I don’t think we give Him enough chance to really get through to us in our days. We’re always going, going, going, off to the next thing. Ignoring, truthfully, because we don’t want to have to take the time to focus on Him. It’s such a battle!!!!! But remember, Jesus wins. Truth, love, grace–it triumphs. God is good. He loves you so much. Let Him simply love on you today. Listen to Him. Talk with Him. Rest in Him. He’s waiting.

Changing things a bit

I just changed up the look of my blog to something with a tiny bit more depth and personality. Hopefully I’ll be able to personalize it more as I spend more time on here, but it’s good for right now. I like the parchment paper look, like you could reach out and grab it right off of the screen.

Now I have a question for you. It seems random but just go with me on this. This blog has been full of random, and it’s yet to be seen if I’ll be able to keep up with it the way I’d like to. Oh well…but it’s how life is for me at the moment 🙂

If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

For me, the answer has always been Thailand. The place where my heart is, even though I’ve only set foot in the country for no more than 3 days. There’s something about it that grabs me, that keeps me thinking of it day after day after day. The people, the experiences, the yearning to go back and the desire to reach this sweet nation with the love of Jesus.

Perhaps your place is also a place of the heart, or very simply someplace you long to see and experience, a place where you have family and friends, a vacation spot, a place with a specific need that’s within your skill set, etc.

But what is it? Maybe my question is more along the lines of, Where is your heart calling you? I think deep down inside of each of us is a longing for more. We all have a hole in the depths of our being that is only filled with the forgiveness and love of Jesus, who died on the cross for us, taking away our sins, and then rose again from the dead so we can live in heaven with Him forever. Once that hole is filled, you find peace. Contentment that can only be found in Jesus. But there comes a time when He will remove that contentment and fill you with restlessness…a yearning for more of Him, a desire to move mountains for Him, to shine the love of Christ to others, but you’re not sure exactly what that means or how to get there. And slowly, ever so slowly (He’s really good at helping me build up my patience, haha!) He’ll start to reveal what His plan is for you, but only so far as the next step. He may give you a brief glimpse farther into the future, but it stays hazy until He’s prepared you and prompts you to move toward that.

It’s an interesting, scary, exciting, wondering place to be. It’s weird. The sensation of knowing God is calling you to bigger, to more than yourself, to something only He can do through you and that you can’t ever imagine doing on your own, but only with Him working in you and through you–it’s crazy and goes against every human instinct. The instinct to be safe and secure. To prosper in this world. To make money, have a close-knit community of friends, a nice house and nice car. To fit in and not draw attention to yourself by being “too” different. When you follow Jesus, He begins to push you out of the world and into His. He loves us so much that He wants more than anything to use us for His glory. Whoa. Think about that. God is SO big. He made the universe and the millions of galaxies with just a few words. Yet He loves us. And wants to be with us and wants us to be His hands and feet. Just wow.

So where is He taking your heart? What has He placed in your heart that burns within you? That little flickering flame of an idea or dream that is too big to even put into words. For me, it’s just an image, compiled of a bunch of different dreams and ideas and places and people, that I can’t even begin to put into words yet. But maybe it’s good to try. Write it down, tell it to God, speak the desires of your heart to Him. You might not feel that He hears you, but He does.

A little rawness

[I’m feeling a little raw today. So I thought I’d be real with you.]

I am fully human. I go through periods of anxiety, of wondering what’s next, of always waiting for something. These times of waiting are usually (eventually) followed by a period of peace, of being okay with the “right now,” being fully in the moment, realizing that life is too precious to waste a second of it. But other times it seems like it all goes together and I don’t know what I think anymore—all these things get muddled up/mixed together in my brain and I’m left wondering if I really have the ability to think straight, or if this happens to everyone (because no one talks about it!). But through it all, it’s SO good to know I have a God who understands me better than I understand myself! He is my hope! He is fully aware of my feelings and knows exactly where I’m at in this very moment—today—and He has a plan for me. I know it’s better than anything I could dream up. But why, oh why, is it so hard to wait? I’m so sick of waiting.

I’ve realized lately—why do we always wish our lives away? Why are we always, without fail, waiting for something? For what’s next. Why is it so hard to just BE?
You’re a kid and you wish you were a grown up. You can’t wait to turn 12, then it’s 16, then 18, then 21, then 25, then all of the sudden you wonder where the time went.
You can’t wait until you can drive. Then it’s college. Internship. Your first “real” job. The day you finally start dating “the one.” That first kiss. That engagement ring. The wedding day. The honeymoon. That 1^st child. That big vacation. The huge promotion. Retirement. Then you’re left wondering what happened. How did all of that life go by so fast?

Maybe it’s so hard to be content because we know we’re made for something greater than who we are and what we’re doing right now. I know I just want to jump leaps and bounds to be this incredible, selfless, always joyful and happy, hour-long-devo-in-the-morning, glass-is-half-full type of person that I want to be. Key word: want. I might portray that to you every once in a while, by God’s grace, but it is truly Him at work in me and nothing of me, at all, because as a human, my selfishness and cynicism and frustrations and anxieties very often take over before I have time to realize what has happened.

There’s so much more to life! To being fully alive through Christ, because He made me to be ME. He made me to be fully present, right now. I know I will keep failing, but I will keep trying, keep placing my focus back on God, keep surrendering to Him. I can’t do this on my own. None of us can. Only through Him who gives us strength can we truly be all He has called us to be! That takes time. I know it’s natural to wonder. God didn’t make us with brains that know it all. We’re constantly learning and adapting. But God is good. He made us for greater than we could ever see ourselves being. Perhaps that’s why I can sense the calling to be greater, but I have no idea how to get there. Because the only way is through God. He has the PERFECT timing, though. Maybe I need to learn how to be okay with wanting and waiting, and how to sit still and just soak up God’s presence even then. Even if I do feel otherwise. Feelings are not always trustworthy, but God does use them.

[That was a lot of jumbled-up rawness…hope you could make sense some of it!]

What kind of blog reader are YOU?

If you were a blogger, what would you write about?

Honestly, I have all these thoughts, a jumbled mess of ideas, and no clue what anyone ‘likes’ to read about and what would draw people in. “So,” I ask, “What do YOU want to hear about?” What attracts you to a blog? Why do you read? Is it simply because it’s interesting to read about someone else’s thoughts and to get a snapshot of their life? Do you enjoy blogs of complete randomness, or do you prefer that a blog sticks to a certain theme? Would you rather read a blog with pictures, or is it ok if not everything has a visual?

I read plenty of blogs. But sometimes I’m interested and sometimes I’m not. Maybe that’s normal. And everyone’s different. But I feel like my job as the writer is to not lose the reader. That’s been ingrained in me since day 1 of journalism class in college! 🙂 So…this is just a way for me to hear from you about what attracts you to a blog and why you stick with it, subscribe, etc. Let me know, because I am really curious!

Also, do you comment on every blog or do you usually just read them? What would bring you to comment? It’s a form of interaction that every blogger works toward, and I can tell you from personal experience, it’s pretty exciting when someone comments on your blog, even if it is just your mom or dad 😉

So fill me in! I’m “probably too excitedly” awaiting your feedback 🙂

Brainstorm session

So I’ve been thinking about this blog a lot lately and getting excited. The possibilities seem endless. It’s very likely that I won’t blog every day. But who knows? I’m relying on the Lord’s leading. We’ll see where He takes me. (I’ve been saying that a lot these past couple days!) I have all of these dreams and ideas. I sense big things in the works. It’s so hard to wait…because I get this inkling of God working behind the scenes, and it’s like I can sort of, kind of tell what He’s doing, but then it seems that the little glimpse is immediately enveloped by a fog…and I again am left to wondering what He’s up to.

I’ve been pondering a few ideas. As a travel writer by day and missions-writer-wanna-be by night, I’ve realized I should probably showcase some of my work on here so you can see what I’ve done and what I’m capable of. I’m not looking to impress anyone (but I do secretly hope you like something I’ve written :))

I also feel the need to help whoever reads this understand more about the issues that face many people around the world today…such as sex trafficking, the AIDS/HIV crisis, genocide, hunger, poverty, oppression, lack of clean water, etc etc etc. There are quite a few exceptional organizations at work today that deserve to be highlighted…so I’m hoping to feature many of them here…possibly as weekly/daily highlights and help you get involved, which would make me so happy!

After I published this blog on Saturday, I received an AWESOME idea from a friend of mine…he suggested this could be a place where I would provide you with resources to use your gifts and talents to get the word out about these issues and help you and others discover ways to get involved. When he told me that…I sat back and thought, “Wow. That is an amazing idea.” Totally a God thing. I would love for that to be a direction/theme for this blog…we’ll see where God takes it! :)It’s something I have to wrap my head around and ponder and pray more about…because I totally don’t feel at all worthy to be a resource for others (only by God’s grace!).

If you have any suggestions and feedback on things you’d like to know about, I’d love to hear it!