Excitement is building

I’m so happy to have my excitement back! I’ve been going through a period of an emotion lull…where I know I should react this way or that to whatever is happening around me…so I give people the responses I know I’m supposed to give, but I just didn’t feel anything.

I’m sure we all go through this to some extent, but it’s very frustrating when there just seems to be no end to it! (Then God shows up in ways that can only be from Him, and all of a sudden it’s like BAM…you’re awake again…you’re actually feeling things again. Only He can do that!) I’m sure I sound crazy, but oh well!

God’s doing some things in my life—big things—that I’ve been dreaming about for a while. I can’t talk about it yet because it’s too soon…sorry…but bear with me ☺ Through all the ups and downs of normal, everyday life lately, despite full-to-the-brim emotions or none at all…I’ve had to keep reminding myself of what God has promised multiple times. That He will never leave me or forsake me, no matter what. (Joshua 1:5, Hebrews 13:5, Deuteronomy 31:8).

Our God is a good God. He has life-giving, cup-overflowing plans for us.

Psalm 23 is amazing…I’ve found myself repeating it day after day. Because it’s truth. God is always with me. He’s always with you. He loves you so deeply that He would lead you beside the freshest, cleanest, purest streams of living water for you to drink; He guides us in paths of righteousness for the glory of His name; He blesses us in front of our enemies; He anoints us, He cleanses us, He loves us. Wow—we are blessed!

Psalm 23
[A psalm of David.]

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

It’s just so exciting, and encouraging, and I hope this encourages you today to be strong in the Lord, be courageous, do not lose heart, because He is with you and will never leave you.

God heart

God is Lord of your heart. He knows your deepest wishes, your biggest dreams, those parts of you that you never show the world because if you did it might call you crazy, or psycho, or just lame. God is a God of the small and the big. Those little dreams you have, however insignificant, are important to Him. He knows the desires of your heart. Wait for Him. Draw near to Him and He’ll draw near to You. Let Him surprise you with how big He is. Enjoy being HIS. Don’t let the world tell you that you have to read your Bible for so many minutes or pray for so many hours a day for Him to hear you and draw near. Those things are good. In fact, they’re necessary and incredible and should be practiced daily, yet…wow…we all mess up. We go for weeks, perhaps months without truly digging into the Word, without spending passionate time in prayer, instead glancing at a verse here and there and praying tiny little prayers about needs and wants, sometimes for others, but if you’d admit it, mostly about you and your struggles and pain and frustrations. That’s a frustrating place to be. Because you know you can be better. And you want to be. But your flesh gets in the way and you give in to it too much, you know this, yet you still do it because it’s comfortable. It is a war against our flesh. But we can let the frustrations and feelings of unworthiness bog us down. Keep fighting. Keep praying.

Let the King of the Universe love you for who you are, not what you do.

Because He’s calling out to you to see Him every day and to hear His voice. He loves you with endless passion. I wonder if we could see the heavenly realm, if we’d be horrified by the extent of the battle fought for us every day. Satan is sneaky. Those feelings that you’re never going to make it, you’ll never be good enough, you’re not pretty enough, you’re insignificant and no one really truly loves you…those are LIES. I am talking to myself just as much as anyone here. Seriously, it’s a battle.

One thing I have really been impressed upon doing lately is just to let myself enjoy being with God.

I don’t have to do anything. Just simply be. Rest. Soak Him in. I don’t think we give Him enough chance to really get through to us in our days. We’re always going, going, going, off to the next thing. Ignoring, truthfully, because we don’t want to have to take the time to focus on Him. It’s such a battle!!!!! But remember, Jesus wins. Truth, love, grace–it triumphs. God is good. He loves you so much. Let Him simply love on you today. Listen to Him. Talk with Him. Rest in Him. He’s waiting.

Confliction

What do you do when your life starts moving in a new, exciting, heart-pounding direction that you’ve been trying to get to for a long time now, yet when it actually starts happening, you’re frozen in your tracks and all of the sudden you aren’t sure at all of what to do, how to react, how to feel, etc? Nothing is bright and shiny, although it should be. Or maybe a better way to say it is I know that God’s behind it, so I think I should be really excited about it, yet something feels very vulnerable, very unworthy, very inadequate, very non-committal, very timid and unsure. I mean, seriously? Shouldn’t I be head over heels excited? Jumping through the roof thrilled? Yet my emotions feel broken. I’ve always struggled with this, and it feels even more of a struggle now that my dreams are peeking over the horizon and I’m stuck…I’ve forced myself to move forward because I know this is what God wants of me…but how is it that I still can remain so emotionless? Does anyone else struggle with this? It’s like my brain and body are going through the motions for my heart, because my heart has been dreaming of this for so long that now that it is close to becoming reality, it can’t move forward…it’s stuck in place, yearning to get out, yet maybe not knowing exactly how. It gets released tiny bit by tiny bit, but it’s nothing like how I think I should feel. Maybe that’s the point. I can’t let my life be run by emotions, but only by what the Holy Spirit tells me…what God shows me to be the next step…and maybe, just maybe, I will always feel like this to an extent. Stuck inside, yet moving forward anyway, because the emotion, the thrill and excitement, will come later and overtake the blah-ness.

Through it all, God is good. I KNOW this…but it is so hard when you don’t feel it.

Changing things a bit

I just changed up the look of my blog to something with a tiny bit more depth and personality. Hopefully I’ll be able to personalize it more as I spend more time on here, but it’s good for right now. I like the parchment paper look, like you could reach out and grab it right off of the screen.

Now I have a question for you. It seems random but just go with me on this. This blog has been full of random, and it’s yet to be seen if I’ll be able to keep up with it the way I’d like to. Oh well…but it’s how life is for me at the moment 🙂

If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

For me, the answer has always been Thailand. The place where my heart is, even though I’ve only set foot in the country for no more than 3 days. There’s something about it that grabs me, that keeps me thinking of it day after day after day. The people, the experiences, the yearning to go back and the desire to reach this sweet nation with the love of Jesus.

Perhaps your place is also a place of the heart, or very simply someplace you long to see and experience, a place where you have family and friends, a vacation spot, a place with a specific need that’s within your skill set, etc.

But what is it? Maybe my question is more along the lines of, Where is your heart calling you? I think deep down inside of each of us is a longing for more. We all have a hole in the depths of our being that is only filled with the forgiveness and love of Jesus, who died on the cross for us, taking away our sins, and then rose again from the dead so we can live in heaven with Him forever. Once that hole is filled, you find peace. Contentment that can only be found in Jesus. But there comes a time when He will remove that contentment and fill you with restlessness…a yearning for more of Him, a desire to move mountains for Him, to shine the love of Christ to others, but you’re not sure exactly what that means or how to get there. And slowly, ever so slowly (He’s really good at helping me build up my patience, haha!) He’ll start to reveal what His plan is for you, but only so far as the next step. He may give you a brief glimpse farther into the future, but it stays hazy until He’s prepared you and prompts you to move toward that.

It’s an interesting, scary, exciting, wondering place to be. It’s weird. The sensation of knowing God is calling you to bigger, to more than yourself, to something only He can do through you and that you can’t ever imagine doing on your own, but only with Him working in you and through you–it’s crazy and goes against every human instinct. The instinct to be safe and secure. To prosper in this world. To make money, have a close-knit community of friends, a nice house and nice car. To fit in and not draw attention to yourself by being “too” different. When you follow Jesus, He begins to push you out of the world and into His. He loves us so much that He wants more than anything to use us for His glory. Whoa. Think about that. God is SO big. He made the universe and the millions of galaxies with just a few words. Yet He loves us. And wants to be with us and wants us to be His hands and feet. Just wow.

So where is He taking your heart? What has He placed in your heart that burns within you? That little flickering flame of an idea or dream that is too big to even put into words. For me, it’s just an image, compiled of a bunch of different dreams and ideas and places and people, that I can’t even begin to put into words yet. But maybe it’s good to try. Write it down, tell it to God, speak the desires of your heart to Him. You might not feel that He hears you, but He does.

Not so into this

Blogging has been a struggle for me lately, not gonna lie. I’m pretty sure it’s just one part of a multi-faceted attack by the devil on me. It’s been a struggle to write, a struggle to blog, a struggle to process things, a struggle to feel emotion and excitement, a struggle to remain confident that this is where God has me. And I believe it’s because I am on the brink of moving, of changing, of actually beginning to put action behind words and dreams. It’s because I’m taking steps toward something huge, totally bigger than myself. There’s a lot that’s going to go into it and it’s scary and crazy and sometimes, actually all the time lately, I find myself thinking “who am I to even think that I can do this?” It’s going to take a lot out of me. But…dun dun dun…I think that’s the point. A lot needs to be taken out and removed so that God can pour into me what He wants to be used for His glory.

My dad has been an extreme encourager for me during this time. He’s constantly reaffirming me and he’s really good at reminding me about my passion and who I am in Christ and who he and my family and friends see me as and capable of. To have him and my mom and family and friends behind me in this is extremely amazing.

One step at a time.

**Disclaimer. I apologize for being so mysterious. Some of you are just plain confused right now, others will know what I’m talking about immediately. All will be revealed in due time 😉 Love you all!

Just peaceful

You know those days when it’s just a peaceful, quiet day? You have time to just sit and soak in God’s presence…to blog and journal and spend time with Him…and enjoy some alone time? This time is so sweet for me. I need it. It’s been a long week. A good, fun-filled week. But very full and I can definitely say I’m in need of some rest. This week has been filled with fun family time, little-league football games, girls nights, birthday celebrations, and lots and lots of church and some serious seeking God time. But it is at the same time stressful and draining. Trying to make it all, enjoy it all, and be myself and find time for myself in the middle of it all. I really enjoy my friends and family…they rejuvenate me…but I think I tend to run myself dry and I don’t just let myself relax and take it easy. I usually end up needing some alone time to truly recharge my battery 🙂 I am constantly distracted and while I want to rest, it’s almost like I can’t, because I keep wanting to do things. I need to learn how to sit. JUST sit. And let God COME. I want it desperately. I yearn to be filled with more and more of Him, His Holy Spirit, His love, His peace, His joy so I can spread it to everyone I’m around. It’s a constant work-in-progress, I suppose!

AND, I’m working on not worrying about being perfect. Especially when it comes to my writing and blogging and just doing life…I am a perfectionist in many ways. It’s just normal for a first born 🙂 God’s helped me along my life journey to become much more easy-going and uber-flexible with most things, but I think when it comes to my writing it is much harder for me, since I want everything to be perfect right away. That will flow into my words and thoughts, too. And so…I think in some ways that hinders my communication with the Holy Spirit, because I over-think and second-guess a ton of things that I shouldn’t. Hearing God’s voice, following His leading, trusting Him right away and not after a long time of testing Him, etc etc. I hope that makes sense. These are just some of my musings…I really process things so much better when I write them down.

Lucky you, you get to read these rambling thoughts. I bet you’re SO unbelievably excited, huh? Haha! I DO appreciate you reading this though. I appreciate ALL of you…you make my life amazing!

Look for my next blog in a couple weeks…after I get back from my trip to Hawaii! 🙂

A little rawness

[I’m feeling a little raw today. So I thought I’d be real with you.]

I am fully human. I go through periods of anxiety, of wondering what’s next, of always waiting for something. These times of waiting are usually (eventually) followed by a period of peace, of being okay with the “right now,” being fully in the moment, realizing that life is too precious to waste a second of it. But other times it seems like it all goes together and I don’t know what I think anymore—all these things get muddled up/mixed together in my brain and I’m left wondering if I really have the ability to think straight, or if this happens to everyone (because no one talks about it!). But through it all, it’s SO good to know I have a God who understands me better than I understand myself! He is my hope! He is fully aware of my feelings and knows exactly where I’m at in this very moment—today—and He has a plan for me. I know it’s better than anything I could dream up. But why, oh why, is it so hard to wait? I’m so sick of waiting.

I’ve realized lately—why do we always wish our lives away? Why are we always, without fail, waiting for something? For what’s next. Why is it so hard to just BE?
You’re a kid and you wish you were a grown up. You can’t wait to turn 12, then it’s 16, then 18, then 21, then 25, then all of the sudden you wonder where the time went.
You can’t wait until you can drive. Then it’s college. Internship. Your first “real” job. The day you finally start dating “the one.” That first kiss. That engagement ring. The wedding day. The honeymoon. That 1^st child. That big vacation. The huge promotion. Retirement. Then you’re left wondering what happened. How did all of that life go by so fast?

Maybe it’s so hard to be content because we know we’re made for something greater than who we are and what we’re doing right now. I know I just want to jump leaps and bounds to be this incredible, selfless, always joyful and happy, hour-long-devo-in-the-morning, glass-is-half-full type of person that I want to be. Key word: want. I might portray that to you every once in a while, by God’s grace, but it is truly Him at work in me and nothing of me, at all, because as a human, my selfishness and cynicism and frustrations and anxieties very often take over before I have time to realize what has happened.

There’s so much more to life! To being fully alive through Christ, because He made me to be ME. He made me to be fully present, right now. I know I will keep failing, but I will keep trying, keep placing my focus back on God, keep surrendering to Him. I can’t do this on my own. None of us can. Only through Him who gives us strength can we truly be all He has called us to be! That takes time. I know it’s natural to wonder. God didn’t make us with brains that know it all. We’re constantly learning and adapting. But God is good. He made us for greater than we could ever see ourselves being. Perhaps that’s why I can sense the calling to be greater, but I have no idea how to get there. Because the only way is through God. He has the PERFECT timing, though. Maybe I need to learn how to be okay with wanting and waiting, and how to sit still and just soak up God’s presence even then. Even if I do feel otherwise. Feelings are not always trustworthy, but God does use them.

[That was a lot of jumbled-up rawness…hope you could make sense some of it!]

There’s POWER in Prayer

Lately, I have been becoming more and more aware of the intense, incredible, authentic, and life-changing power of prayer!The coolest thing is that there is no defense against the power of prayer! You can go to the nations in prayer! Countries may have closed borders and be closed to the Gospel, but prayer penetrates those borders. It gets through the cracks in hard hearts. It breaks down barriers. Isn’t that just awesome?!

I have this vision of God’s people praying, and it’s like an aviation map. The prayers “fly” across the world — there is no border that prayer can’t cross, no fortress strong enough to hold it back, no wall thick enough to keep it out. That is the power of God through prayer! A country may be closed to you, but it cannot be closed to the power of your prayers. We can change the world through prayer!!!!

Don’t listen when people discourage you from praying. When people say, “oh, my friend, I have done too many bad things, so do not even try to pray for me, because it is hopeless for me,” do not listen to them! I can easily see this as the devil speaking through them, because he recognizes the power of prayer! Think about it…the devil knows how powerful God is and that there is incredible, life-changing power through prayer. If the devil tries to discourage you, he’s trying to limit the goodness of God, limit the incredible life-changing power of God, and he knows that prayer could change this person’s life and so he discourages you from praying, even through the mouth of this very person, to try to stop God from doing miraculous work through prayer. Whoa, huh?

We often times don’t see the end result of our prayers. And that can be very discouraging. But can I encourage you to keep at it with all excitement and Passion and boldness? It is hard when the feelings aren’t there…you feel dry and empty…but it’s all about believing in the power of God to transform lives and do what seems impossible to us, because it is really nothing for Him. We are to be rooted in prayer, because there is nothing that God cannot do. He is everything! There is so much strength in prayer, so much peace in knowing that you have prayed, and now you can let God do the rest, because you have done your part, even if it feels like the smallest thing, by praying.

We underestimate the power of prayer. Many people, or most people at one time or another, think that prayer is wimpy or not good enough. We think we need to DO something tangible in order to make a difference. But I’ve been learning that that is just not true at all!!! Pray with confidence! Pray with conviction! God may not answer our prayers the way we think He should do it, but — reality check — He is WISER than us and He has a PLAN!

There’s a closeness, an intimacy with God when we pray. Sometimes you won’t feel it (I know I don’t most of the time). And sometimes it will overwhelm you!!! But it is really not about feelings. It’s about knowing who God is, knowing His truth and trusting Him no matter what, that He has the best plan. It’s understanding that His ways are not our ways, that we don’t understand “why” all the time. But don’t you think it’s definitely possible that our brains could never truly grasp how wide and how deep and how high is His knowledge, His power, His love for us? It’s about trusting Him through that and never ceasing to pray. Pray with a humble heart and open hands, ready to receive and go, and ready to be all who God has called you to be.

Prayer reaches the nations! How awesome is that? We cannot fathom how far it reaches. We do not understand the full depths of its power. But God is so huge. Prayer is an incredible gift that needs to be picked up and used. It’s hard to pray all the time. It’s challenging, and I fail so often. But try. And keep trying. God doesn’t give up on you. He loves you with an everlasting love. I am so grateful to serve a God with such depth to Him. I can’t comprehend Him, but oh how I love Him and how He loves me!!! This is a beautiful thing, my friends!

Never cease to pray. Lift up yourself…for healing and understanding and the filling of the Holy Spirit. For boldness and confidence in Christ. Then lift up others around you. Bring them to the throne of God! Pray for your nation — for peace and wisdom for its leaders, for God to be known amongst every people group in your nation, and finally, all the other nations in the world. That Christ’s love and undeniable power would be known across the globe, and that the Holy Spirit would penetrate every border, every people group, every person in every nation. That no one would die without the chance to know Jesus, to know that He died for them so that they could have eternal life and be with God in heaven forever! Ahhh-mazing. Amen!

[I wrote this a couple of days ago in a moment of inspiration 😛 I’ve tweaked it since then…but I’ve been incredibly challenged by this. It really challenges me more than I could ever tell you…and I’ve realized lately that I lack so much in prayer. I used to pride myself in praying “all-day-long.” But I am now humbled in knowing I have a long way to go. Would you join me in becoming more persistent, more confident, more deliberate in prayer? It’s SUPER challenging. But the reward, getting closer and more in tune with the Holy Spirit and the heart-beat of God, has GOT to be SO worth it!]

Oh the lies of the enemy!

I am a woman. And BECAUSE I am a woman, I am bombarded by the same issues that have long been a part of this world. Woman is seen as beautiful. She is the pinnacle of beauty. From the beginning of time, she has been drawn and painted and sculpted as intricate, delicate, mesmerizing art. She is soft on the eye. Her form is pleasing and easy to look at.

Thus, in comes sin, warping the senses, twisting into lust what is innocently beautiful and perfect, thus degrading what is beautiful. Sin changes mindsets…and it causes a beautiful woman to look in the mirror and yearn for perfection for something that she doesn’t realize is already perfect.

I struggle with body image just like every other girl I know. It is a common attack on women, and I can only imagine the devil thrives on tormenting women. He knows how beautiful we are, how much God loves us, and the sweet, strong power we hold within that beauty that is a God-given gift. We are a testimony of God’s goodness. A mirror to the world of His infinite beauty. We are created in His image! And Satan wants to mar that image. So he causes us to believe we’re fat, we’re ugly, no one will like us or date us or love us or cherish us because we have (in our eyes) too much pudge in this area or that, our lips or eyes or chin or ears or hair aren’t perfect, so we stand in front of the mirror day after day, crying in desperation. We change our hair color and style it differently each day. We go through countless changes of clothes. We put on heels, we slather on the makeup and the hairspray, and we think that that defines us…that that equals beauty.

And all the while, God is whispering, “Oh BELOVED! If you only knew how breathtaking you are…how beautiful and mesmerizing and radiant…my precious daughter! How I love you!”

Sometimes, during those times I’m standing in front of the mirror, hopelessly lost in thoughts of disgust at myself…I realize the lies that Satan is feeding me. He’s gleeful in his attacks, and I’m making it way too easy for him. So I throw back my head, raise my chin, straighten my shoulders, look straight in the mirror, and declare OUT LOUD, “I am a daughter of GOD! I am BEAUTIFUL! No one else sees what I see. God created me in His image. I am stunning. God loves ME!” I declare truth over myself, and in that instant, it’s as if the blinders are lifted and for a second I can see me as God sees me. Innocent and beautiful and mesmerizing.

Don’t give in to the devil, ladies. He enjoys feeding you lies that you’re ugly and no one will want you. That is NOT TRUE. You are a daughter of the MOST HIGH KING, created in HIS IMAGE, set APART for His GLORY, DELIGHTFUL & PLEASING & STUNNING as you REFLECT HIM.

Go out into the world and SHINE for Him!!! 🙂

Here are couple other blogs I’ve come across lately on this same topic…definitely inspired my blog and encouraged me, which I hope they do for you, as well! Love you all!
http://lindsaydobner.theworldrace.org/?filename=world-race-beauty-101
http://nataliedache.theworldrace.org/?filename=identifying-idols

A New Day

I have started a new blog! Just seeing what the blogosphere looks like from this side of things. I still have my “iamaredhead” blog, and I’m keeping it, because I love it. Don’t know what I’ll do with 2 blogs…but hey, we’ll see what happens 🙂

I’ve entitled my blog “writtenforapurpose” because that’s my goal for my writing. I want to write for a purpose. I want it to be God-centered, God-focused, and it’s also a dream of mine to write for non-profit ministries and missionaries and travel to tell people’s stories around the world. I want to get the word out about sex trafficking, about AIDS, about hunger, about poverty, about clean water programs and church plants and all the above. Like I said, it’s a dream. A big dream, and I’m not sure how to get there…but I know I’m supposed to write, so write I will. This blog is raw me. Raw God. Raw life. I hope that as I write whatever I write here, that you get something out of it.